Saturday, 15 October 2016

How Your Daughter Dresses Matters: A Response

So this post was shared with me on Facebook, so I read it. How Your Daughter Dresses Matters, and I have some feelings.

Firstly yes how your daughter dresses is important, as is the way you, your son, your husband, your granddad and every other human being chooses to cloth themselves. See clothing is an interesting thing. It isn’t just something that covers our private parts, it is about how we as human beings want to dress. That may be for comfort (yoga pants!), confidence, as an extension of our personalities, self expression, practicality, identity etc etc.
The thought of an “appropriate” way of someone to dress all depends on what they are doing at that time, not on someone else’s ideal of modesty. That is something the individual person chooses or chooses no to follow.Because the idea of modesty means something different depending on your cultural, religious, personal beliefs.
You can sometimes tell a lot about someone by the way they dress which is why firefighters, pilots, military etc wear uniforms so they are easily identifiable to the people around them. This however does not apply with other forms of clothing. Because someone is wearing a suit doesn’t make them a lawyer, they could be any number of things. This is the same someone wearing a tight pair or shorts, a singlet top, a mini skirt, yoga pants (because lets face it most of the time I’m wearing mine I’m not doing yoga) It is simply impossible to know someones beliefs, morals, ideas or sexuality based on the clothing they wear. (unless it’s a personalised slogan T-shirt)
To say that our daughter’s need to be mindful of what they wear because of the attention of boys is bullshit, I like many women have received unwanted advancements from men and to say it was because of something I was wearing is just straight offensive. For the record the first time it happened I was in a school uniform walking home from school at 14. Now was I being “inappropriate” or was I simply going about my day and that perverted man who yelled out his window at me telling me to “come suck his cock” was he inappropriate. I wasn’t wearing my “I’m a minor and I suck cock” t-shirt.
To say that a young women is “advertising” herself or being a “fast girl” or a “slut” because she is wearing a particular item of clothing is bullshit. Not every girl is having promiscuous sex if she is wearing a mini skirt, maybe it’s just summer. I don’t want my daughter to “look hot” as it was put in this article. I want my daughter to look however she wants to look, and above all else I want her to look and be happy.
I haven’t chosen how my daughter dresses herself since she was 2, she gets up in the morning and dresses herself, however she pleases keeping in mind the aforementioned appropriateness of what we are doing that day. I fail to see how I will somehow be able to or even want to police what she wears in 10 years time. I will not strip her of her autonomy, her, her body and her future sexuality is not my property and it is not my job to keep her virginity safe. It is my job to raise her to be a confident, self aware, happy person who is in charge of her own body, decisions and mind. It is my job to teach her about safety, consent and healthy relationships. None of those include making sure she’s dressed to make other people feel more comfortable in the fact she is a “good girl”.
There is so much pressure on our kids right now about their looks from media, social media, their peers, random people down the street, tv, trends in clothing stores and the list goes on. She is not going to be pressured by me, her mother as well. I will give her the space to decide and find out who she is, what she chooses to wear and what she does with her life.
I will write another post later on about my views on sex, discussing sex with kids and all of that gritty stuff at a later time. But if you haven’t already check out my post Don’t Comment On My Daughter’s Body about body image and If you were my son about holding our kids accountable for their actions.
Leave your comments on this topic below, I don’t censor my comments because I believe everyone’s opinion and point of view matter including our children.
Robin xx

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