Monday, 27 January 2014

Saying no.

I'm the kind of person who loves a challenge, doesn't mind a deadline and thrives on seeing what I am capable of but I am also the kind of person who says yes to everything. I remember being told once to 'never turn down a good opportunity'. If ever something needs doing or someone needs a hand I'm always more than happy to help. I have a big issue with letting people down, and therefore it is really hard to say no to people.

However this sometimes gets away on me and I am reminded there are so many hours in a day, and some of those hours should involve sleep.

I have always had trouble sleeping ever since I was a kid but I find it even harder when there are things on my mind that need to be done, whether it's work, family related or even little things like housework or taking books back to the library! I am a bit of a worrying, anxious, perfectionist who likes to have all my ducks in a row (or whatever that saying is) before I can actually sleep.

I find my days getting filled up with organising, working, chores and other things. Making less time for the things I want to be doing, spending quality time with my daughter, writing, reading novels, baking and spending time drinking coffee with good friends. I am finding all of these things are taking away some of my joy, I like to be a happy person who is excited and passionate about life and the things I am doing but I'm feeling in a rut because I am so tired and because I feel a lot of pressure from myself to be the best I can in everything I do. Have a successful business, be a great mum and wife, and keep a visitor ready home (you know what I mean).

I am a stay at home mum so I can be with my daughter, create memories and have a more relaxed less hectic lifestyle. (This is no way a working mum bash, so don't look at it that way, these are just some of the reasons why I stay at home, if we were in a position that I had to work outside the home I would have no problem putting my daughter in daycare so I could work) however I seem to have more busy days than fun building huts in the lounge or cupcake making days like I used to.

Now there is nothing wrong with being busy I actually like being busy it's when the busy turns to overwhelming. When I can go a whole day and feel like I've barely spent any quality time with my family. My family is my number one , they always will be at the end of the day that is all that really matters. I always say to my mum you are never going to look back on your life at 85 and think 'gosh wish I had worked more' 

So I have come to a point where I have to say no to some things, no to that last minute order that means I am going to have to be up until 3 am finishing it- believe it or not this has happened more than once. No to helping with that extra fundraiser or taking on that extra job. But it also means saying yes to more, saying yea to friends lunch invitations,  saying yes to my daughter when she asks if we can eat lunch at park, saying yes to date night and not feeling guilty that I should be working instead.

I haven't worked out how I'm going to make all of this happen without the soul crushing feeling that I am letting everyone down, but I need to focus on the people and things that are most important to me. I think having more of a schedule will help, allotted time for things like housework and work. Leaving me more time for things like sleep. I also have to remember that there are only so many things one person can achieve in a day and stop putting so much dang pressure on myself. 

So while I will still take on new challenges I will also edit them and seriously consider them before taking them on. Instead of jumping right in, I will stop, step back, think and process what this new challenge will mean to my life. 

Now that this is in writing I have to do it right! Over the next week I will be evaluating all things in my life, business, relationships, work, business goals and my future. My husband and I have a wee bit of a 5 year plan and where we want to be in 5 years time. So now I need to start to work towards that, things like home improvements that need to be done that I would really love to do but with almost every weekend booked with markets or prepping for markets have no time to do. I would also love to go on a family holiday this year, somewhere that has no internet connection, no phone coverage and a body of water that I can sit next to and read a book or swim with my daughter.

2014 will be the year for editing, de-cluttering and growth in my life. 

What do you plan on doing in 2014 to make your life the one you want? 


  1. Wow Robyn, this is a really lovely post :) I know exactly where you're coming from and feel the same myself almost every single day!
    Would love to hear how your week of evaluating goes :)

    1. I am so pleased to hear I'm not the only one!

  2. i too am Guilty of saying yes more than i should and am starting to regret it and having to say NO. Our youngest Son has been bred to expect everything done for him and the meltdowns caused by us saying no, has been a major realisation for us as parents. The tricky part for us is, do you get them to be more responsible with the chance of them growing too fast or do we continue to do the things for him? When it comes to work, im feeling overwhelmed by the amount i have taken on, and the effect that its having on my relationship but where do i draw the line? Thankyou for this great blog, not only do i know im not alone, but havent given me some clarity on how to deal with it.

    1. You are certainly not alone!! In regards to your son I think everything needs to be done in an age appropriate way for instance my daughter is almost 3 and does things like set the table, put cutlery away, puts her laundry in the basket and cleans up her toys. This teaches responsibility and is a huge help for me too! I'm not sure how old he is but at the end of the day you have to ask yourself will it matter in 5 years. If the answer is no, don't sweat the small stuff!
      I personally have come to the realisation that in order to enjoy my relationships with family and friends I do have to take on a little less and while I am a 'go in with all guns blazzing' type of person I do have to scale back every now and again and see what it may look like from their perspectives as well.

      Robin x

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